Soaring like Stars
by GalacticTerran
Summary: Solomon fears that his phobia would make Clay disappointed in him, and had kept hidden it from him, however one night it got a little too much to bear.


The light above the bathroom mirror was brutal and unforgiving against Solomon's weary eyes, his body felt like dead weight as he tried to rummage though his medicine cabinet. He'd had that dream again where he relived the HAT-1 incident however this time he had viewed it as if he was a spectator so there was at least some distance from the emotional turmoil he had felt at that moment in time, however he wasn't in the clear as now he found himself in his waking hours thinking about it and re-experiencing all the sensations and emotions he had felt those many years ago.

His chest was growing tighter and his heart rate was slightly erratic as he reached for his medication with a trembling sweaty hand only to let out a frustrated growl to find it was empty... This was bad as a wave of helplessness was beginning to wash over him, the corners of his sight was seemingly fuzzy as he fought the wave of nausea that was beginning to take hold as his mind was racing, he knew he was home, he knew Clay was slumbering peacefully in the next room and he wanted to keep it that way.

/I'm fine... I'm fine...I'm fine../ He mentally repeated like a mantra as if his life depended on it, he was not going to give in, not anymore, all he needed to do was get the new prescription from off the kitchen table. Clay didn't have to know he was on the verge of another attack, he'd put so much on his protege's shoulders already. He hated how he felt, he hated feeling as though he had no control over his fear (not that he would let it defeat him), PTSD or no Sol was going into space, he'd promised he'd hold it together not just because Clay was so excited but for himself, he loved space as vast and scary as he thought it is it was also beautiful and full of the unknown, he was not going to give in. The other side of the coin was that if he couldn't control his anxiety he could also jeopardise the mission it had already been an uphill struggle trying to get Director Cosmos to let him back on the mission, fortunately despite everything Sol was still a fast thinker as well as being GYAXA's brightest and most experienced astronauts right now so he had that going in his favour- Not to mention the hero of the HAT-1 miracle returning to embark on another mission would definitely improve the Space Centres rep. His resolution only partially numbed his fear as he tried to carefully sneak downstairs

Peering cautiously into the bedroom Clay was still where he left him, breathing softly with his lips softly parted as a little drool pooled at the corner of his mouth as he remained oblivious to the older male's distress. In his mind Sol didn't want to disturb him, though a large part of him just wanted to be held, to be told he'd be okay but that would be selfish...right? He was going to be fine, just this once he was going to do this, alone.

He'd made it to the kitchen without a full-on episode though his nerves were shot as he slowly began to feel his breathing grow laboured as if he could feel as though his oxygen was depleting, no matter how heavily he breathed he still felt as though he couldn't fill his lungs- He knew it was all in his head but he couldn't help how strongly he was feeling it. Silent tears rolled down his cheeks as he felt the vulnerability and loneliness he'd felt as he fought for his survival on the damaged vessel.

Clumsily Solomon began to unscrew the bottle, muttering under his breath in frustration as his clammy hands were too slippery to grip the lid. All he wanted was a decent nights sleep,to be able to feel normal and not some emotional wreck.

He was so caught up in his state of distress that he dropped the bottle on the floor causing it to roll slowly across the slate tiled floor .

"Crap." Starbuck hissed under his breath as he slowly turned to go retrieve it only to be met with the sight of his protege standing by the door and holding the medicine. Both relief and sheer embarrassment washed over the older male as he sank to the floor, the shock of seeing him there disrupted the progression of his episode and the energy just drained out of him. He felt truly pitiful about now.

Clay knelt down as he emptied one tablet onto the palm of Solomon's hand before pouring his distressed mentor a cold glass of water to wash it down.

"Here." He handed Starbuck the water before resting a hand reassuringly on his trembling shoulder. "It's going to be okay, I'm here alright?"

Gratefully he popped the pill in his mouth before wincing at the bitter taste.

"Ugh..Tastes like crap..." He muttered before washing it down with the icy cold water. "T-thanks..."

"Anytime." Clay replied as he took the empty glass and placed it on the kitchen counter. "Though how are you holding up?"

" Haaaannnnnnngghhhhhh...I'm fine..."

"Sol... " Once more the rookie crouched in front of his lover and cupped his face between his hands as he shot him a gentle yet reassuring smile. "You should have woken me up..."

"I know... You just looked so peaceful is all." Sol shot Clay a guilty look, he was right it would have save a whole lot of trouble if he'd just sought the rookies comfort from the start. However he felt like such a sham, he was meant to be this heroic astronaut that Clay had looked up to for so long and here he was blubbering on the floor being consoled by the very person he was meant to be a role model for. "And I was embarrassed... I actually don't understand why you put up with me being like this."

"Because you are amazing." He replied simply, he didn't even need to think about it. As a child Clay had always admired Solomon for being a heroic spacemen then for surviving the HAT-1 incident, he'd often thought about the film adaptation and what they left out, though his questions were answered that one fateful day he'd walked in on Sol breaking down. He'd be lying if it wasn't a shock to see a man usually brimming with confidence look so vulnerable to the point he'd no longer registered his surroundings. Back then Terran had no idea how to help him. His anxiety was out of the open and he had no choice but to tell him everything, he'd been encouraging his mentor ever since. "You've been though a lot and I'm amazed that you're going back up there, what's not amazing about that? "

Starbuck just stared blankly up at Clay for a moment as he registered what he was saying, was he just saying that to make him feel better? Was this pity? Though he could see no reason what the rookie would get out of telling a little lie. One look into his dark brown eyes and it was clear exactly how earliest he was, though it was clear the younger male was exhausted himself, he really was too good for him.

"Thanks kid." He replied as he weakly ruffled the younger mans hair, a wry smile crossed his rugged features, the forst smile he'd had all night.

"Hey, I'm a little old to be called a 'kid'." Terran retorted indignantly as he puffed his chest out slightly, though it was good to see that ghost of a smile on his mentors face. "But you do know I don't think any less of you? "

"Yeah... I know..." Sol pulled Clay a little closer to gently kiss his forehead, those words meant a lot, they were genuine with no ounce of pity or annoyance. "Sorry you have to keep seeing me like this."

"Don't worry about it. I'm with you every step of the way... Even when you're not doing too great so don't be so hard on yourself. Soon we'll be soaring like stars."He grasped the older males hands enthusiastically. "We're gonna be fine!"

"Haha... Looks like there's no time for a pity party with you around."

"Nope... Because I believe you can get through this, I promise I wont let you down."

"You've never let me down before." Sol embraced Clay tightly once more a wide grin spread across his face. "I don't think you ever could."

Clay could feel his heart skip a beat as Starbuck praised him, he hadn't though he was actually worthy of that level of trust but he was overjoyed having earned his mentors trust to that extent.

Solomon let out a huge yawn, the medicine had finally begun to make him a little drowsy, it was time they both made their way back to the bed before the redhead had a chance to sleep on the cold floor.

"Clay..."

"Hmmm?" He replied sleepily as he draped an arm over Sol's chest. "What is it?"

"I'm glad you aren't ashamed of me."Solomons words were half slurred through exhaustion, the medicine finally kicking in though right now it felt as though the older male was fighting it.

"You're an ass, 'course I'm not ashamed." He lightly kissed his mentors cheek. "Now get to sleep before you start getting any other crazy notions."

Starbuck stifled another yawn. "Yeah... okay, I'll do that." With that his eyes fluttered shut as he finally drifted off to sleep a huge weight having been lifted from his chest knowing he didn't have to worry about Clay turning his back on him. He may not have voiced it but he'd do anything to keep his protegé come lover smiling.

"Goodnight Sol..."


End file.
